Hey Cats,

As the Sled Dog business re-surfaces I thought it apropos to once again print this re-worked letter that I wrote to the papers. No one published it, of course-they never publish anything I write. That's why I write here. Anyway, I'll have some photos up in a day or so. Make a comment to enter a draw for a free overnight stay. If it's too much to read, at least skip down to the bottom. That's what we are up against around here.

Miao Baby,

G

P.S.

Kira now has a great home and is living the life. Look to your right here at the photo background of this blog and that is her dancing around.

The Sad Story of the Marketability of a Dog

April 8th, 2011



Dear Editor,

Based on the public outcry over the sled dog debacle,  I have come upon a novel idea.

Strictly for marketing purposes and keeping with the theme, I am thinking to maim a harmless and defenseless SLED DOG. The whole operation will be very off putting to say the least, but I assure you I am doing it for her own good.  I mean, come on, I won’t actually kill her, just a few surface wounds-enough to draw the media into my sales trap.  I’ll worry about the death threats later.

Over course I couldn’t come up with this kind of brilliant advertising all on my own.  Here's what gave me the idea.   I just read a story in the Globe and Mail entitled, “Hundreds Seek to Adopt Puppy Back from the Dead”(I’d originally included a link to the story, but now they want you to subscribe in order to read it-trust me it exists).  Apparently, in Oklahoma,  there was this puppy who had passed his due date at the pound and was trundled off to be euthanized.  Problem was,  the poison didn’t take and the poor bugger managed to survive.  Well we can’t have that. So back in again.  And?  You got it, he lives again.  As the media would have it, he instantly became a celebrity. Seems the pup went from being labeled refuse to having a line up of willing takers simply by having a story that tugged the heartstrings of the world.

Similar reactions abounded, if you will recall, to the recent “culling of over 100 sled dogs,” as news outlets reported it.  People were writing in from England saying they would have taken one of the overstock dogs had they known of their plight. The Humane Society as well as many “experts in the field” were claiming the relative ease of finding suitable homes for 100 SLED DOGS.  Midnight vigils were held across the world. Candles were lit.  Protest Marches were had. Death threats were made.

Fine and dandy, but here’s the deal.  While all this is going on, I have just ONE SLED DOG that has been fostered with us for 6 months in need of a suitable home.  Not just any sled dog but an actual descendant from the notorious pack in question.  Her previous owners(who could no longer look after her) have put up  posters, advertised in Pet Finders, and spoken to countless people.  The sound of crickets is overwhelming.

Kira, as she is called, is not particularly gorgeous but by no means unattractive.  She is smarter than most which means you are going to have to put in a bit of effort.  If it’s a door stop you are after then she is not your girl-consider a Lab. She needs to burn off the odd bit of energy.  She is loyal and has a definite set of qualities that one would find endearing.  I am 6′ 2″ and when she stands on her hind legs her front paws rest on my shoulders and she almost looks me in the eyes.  She won’t even think about peeing in your house. In fact, for the right person, she would make a great companion.

Unfortunately, she has no marketability.  She wasn’t found floating on an iceberg.  Nor was she the one we picked up with 8 inches of arrow lodged into his chest at an angle that could have only been achieved by shooting as he lay submissively on his back(see below-that one found a home in 8 seconds).  She wasn’t wounded in a “friendly fire” incident while I was trying to shoot a cat.  She didn’t save anybody from a fire. She didn’t fight in the Gulf War.  She wasn’t orphaned when the family car careened into the river leaving her and the infant child, who she hauled to safety and breastfed for two days until help arrived, as the soul survivors.   Nope. She’s just a regular old(young really)dog, not unlike  millions of others.  Husky/Greyhound kind of thing. She wags her whole body and does this hilarious warbling, rawr rawr rawr, when you come in the door.

And that, my friends, is why I am going to pour boiling water all over her(“was, like, totally an accident officer,” I will say and blame it on the rye and Kool-Aid I had been drinking for two weeks up until the
“incident”)and maybe whack her with a hammer to just within an inch of her life-hopefully enough to lose an eye or use of a leg anyway, because that seems to be a surefire way to get somebody interested in providing a good home for a perfectly deserving animal. Just to seal the deal(before anyone finds out that I was the perpetrator), I'll hold a fundraiser designed to pay for the surgery as well as work the crowd into a veritable frenzy.  I mean come on people, why get just a plain ol’ dog when you could have a media sensation?

Or…..or maybe, just maybe,  one of you several million people who showed honest signs of outrage and disgust at recent current affairs will put your money where your mouth was and step up to the plate.  I say the honest ones for those who were in it just for the game will be off “liking” some other media fueled Facebook campaign by now.  Somebody must have a place in their(active)life for a dog like her. If you do, pick up the phone.  I warn you, we are pretty discerning about handing a dog over to somebody but we know there is someone out there for her.

Anyway once a home is found for her, I am thinking to continue my “help the needy animals” campaign by setting the local animal shelter on fire as I know they are always looking for volunteers and there is nothing like a good old disaster to boost up the numbers.  And if I that doesn’t do it I might just call the local radio station and threaten to kill a puppy(and not just any puppy but a cute little puppy)every hour until my demand for $100,000.00 to the animal shelter is met.  So….ah…LOOK OUT! Oh yeah, and tax receipts will be issued.

Note to the arresting officer(s).  I’m not actually going to do most of the things I mention above.  It’s like a kind of angry  sarcasm O.K…..We’re cool right?  Say, you look the athletic type, you’re not, by any chance, looking for an energetic SLED DOG?

P.S. If you aren’t in a position to provide a home for a dog in need but felt outraged from the news and really do want to do something, here are some suggestions:

• Volunteer at your local animal shelter.  It will make a difference.  
• Do NOT smile and glaze over when your neighbor tells you they are going to breed their prized family dog, who only bites small children when provoked, because they want to show the kids about the birth cycle.  Instead treat them like someone who just lit up a cigarette in a maternity ward.
• Act locally.  Take a look in your own neighborhood to see what can be done to improve the lives of the dogs right there. There is plenty I assure you

These things might not be as glamorous as starting a Facebook campaign or organizing an all night vigil, but I don't think that dog sitting in the shelter really gets too much from that kind of passion unless it's put into action.  

Sincerely,

Gary the Cat
Mount Currie BC

This is Diesel.  This isn't Photo-shopped.  The x-ray is at the vet's.  What's the matter with people?